There is an apple tree in the courtyard of Oaklands in honour of Rene! Luis and I both really enjoyed being there when it was planted. We appreciated the kind, calm energy of the school district horticulturist who came prepared with knowledge about Rene's tree and how to care for it. The Campbell family bought and delivered the tree. Three little apples on the tree fell off in transport and Dave joked about gluing them back on.

The horticulturist tells us that next spring we will need to pick off the flowers so that the tree can focus on its roots for one year before bearing fruit. That's always the way, isn't it? Even people need their roots first, then they can bloom and bear fruit. 

It is comforting to know that the Oaklands community is finding tangible ways to remember Rene.  We are so grateful for everyone's ongoing love and support. The only thing that would make losing Rene worse, would be to lose him and remember him alone.

Thank you.

There are a couple of teams for the Inside Ride that don't have their full 6 members. If you'd like to help out and ride for 10 minutes on Sunday October 25, please contact Susan Kerr and she'll match you up with a team.  It's fun, trust me.  susekerr @ gmail.com

Luis and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend! Thankfully, some friends invited us to join them on their property on a remote island! It was such a privilege to be in such a beautiful and special place. The friends supported us in remembering and talking about Rene.

I'm pretty much always thinking about Rene and it's helpful when friends bring him up and talk about him, too, so I feel like it's socially accepted to talk about him. Our friends even toasted him at dinner and I peeked up from my own sad posture to see others crying too. It's so good to have others be brave enough to be sad along side of us.  

Susan Kerr tells me that another team is looking for 4 more riders for the Inside Ride, an important fundraiser for financial aid to families supporting their children through cancer treatment. 

If you can raise a few hundred dollars and can ride a bike for 10 minutes on the morning of October 25th, please contact Susan Kerr at susekerr @ gmail.com.  It's a fun and simple way to directly support families who need and appreciate it.

Our team is full now, with 6 awesome riders! Here is our team's fundraising page:

https://secure.e2rm.com/registrant/TeamFundraisingPage.aspx?teamID=663087&langPref=en-CA

I'm looking for 2-3 more riders for our team this year....

Luis, Rene and I have been participating in the Inside Ride for a few years now to pay it forward and support other families like ours.  The money goes toward financial aid and activies for families living with and beyond cancer. It's an amazing support for families that didn't exist on the island until a mom of a cancer survivor got it started.  She is helping to form a bereved family group this year, thankfully that will be just in time for our family. Meanwhile, other families whose children are on treatment still need help surviving the huge financial impact of having a child on treatment. Most families end up having to live on only one income, sometimes both parents are on leave without pay.  The kids benefit from the outings - now the outings our family participated in are wonderful memories for Luis and I. The ceramics Rene painted at the ceramics get together are treasures I have on display in our home. The children also benefit from being able to spend time with other children who can related to their experiences.  

Can you ride a stationary bike for 10 minutes?
Are you available October 25 from 10:00 to 1:00?Can you raise some money?

If yes, please let me know because I need a few more members for our team. If you have a group of friends or colleages who would like to form their own team of 6, please contact me or Susan Kerr (her contact information is in the information below.) This money really does go directly to families who need it!

This year the event will be dedicated to Rene. 

Here is the poem that Karen Wilson read at Rene's memorial. I thought it fit Rene's experience so well, I wanted to put it up on the blog. 

It takes strength to be certain, 
It takes courage to have doubts.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to share a friend's pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pain,
It takes courage to show it and deal with it.

It takes strength to stand guard,
It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on a friend.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

Today is the first day of school.  It takes strength and courage for me today.  A friend is reminding me that others in the Oaklands community are thinking of Rene today, too, as all of the other children return to school.  I'm so wrapped up in missing Rene I wouldn't have thought of that, but it has to be true.  

I used to take Rene's picture on the first day of school. I found all of those pictures as I was making the slide show.  Many years Rene asked me to be in the picture with him.

Karen Wilson, the chaplain at Victoria General gave us some books to use to help children process and understand grief and death.  

Here they are in no particular order:

The Invisible String by Patrice Karst and illustrated by Geoff Stevenson
I Miss You: A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas and illustrated by Leslie Harker
Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck Deklyen and illustrated by Taylor Bills
Water Bugs and Dragonflies Explaining Death to Children by Doris Stickney
Sad Isn't Bad - A Good-Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss by Michaelene Mundy
Helping Children Grieve by Theresa Huntley
Helping a Child Grieve and Grow by Carol Luebering

It may not seem necessary to use resources, but I asked the Paediatric Hospice Counselor what message we could give to my 2-year-old nephew after Rene died and she gave me some pointers I never would have thought of. It seemed to help him a lot.  I thought I'd share these titles in case they will help you. Well, not you. Your children. 

When I was a child my mom had a poem about children not belonging to their parents posted on her fridge. When Rene was born I had this feeling that he was a gift from God and I never felt like I could take any credit for how amazing he was. Later, when he had nueroblastoma and I had to deal with the fear of him dying, this poem helped me even more. I really wanted to share the poem at the memorial, but decided not to make people sit through having it read to them.  Here it is:

by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, 
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, 
and He bends you with His might 
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, 
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Most of the flowers at Rene's memorial were donated by Van Isle Floral  and Kenmar Flower Farm. The wholesale florists donated the flowers and a team of friends made the bouquets on the tables and stage.  We just wanted to say thank you.

After the memorial a Thrifty bag with personal items in it was found. Email me describing what was in the bag and I'll get it back to you.

Luis and I have some things we want to put up on the blog soon but my brain is too confused to write today. Stay tuned....

Sunday, August 16, 2015
1:00 - 3:00 pm
Oaklands Elementary School - Gymnasium
2827 Belmont Ave., Victoria, BC V8R 4B2


Anybody and everybody is welcome


The event will be kid-friendly and casual. 
(René wouldn't want anyone to have to wear a tie!) Also, it would be helpful if you could bring your own water bottles. 

If you would like to make a donation in lieu of flowers:

Ronald McDonald House - a home away from home for children being treated at BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver. 

Donate to this organization because: This was René's second home, where he had many good times playing with friends and volunteers.  This home took much of the pain out of the very difficult treatments he had to endure. 

Janeece Place - a home away from home for families who travel to Victoria for medical care. This home was started by Janeece Edroff, the youngest person to be awarded the Order of British Columbia. 

Donate to this organization because: Even though René never stayed at Janeece Place, he was always welcomed there to rest after treatments at Victoria General Hospital. Janeece Place also supports events organized by Susan Kerr for paediatric oncology patients and their families on the island, which René really enjoyed.  

Team 4 Hope - fundraising specifically focused on neuroblastoma

Donate to this organization because: Neuroblastoma is seriously underfunded compared to other cancer research, and we still don't have the cure that René and so many other children deserve. Every year about 70 children in Canada will receive a neuroblastoma diagnosis. If their cancer has metastasized, their odds of survival are less than 40 percent, and if they relapse, those odds go to zero.